Encounter

From pieces made a wondrous whole,

As heart with heart united -

My spirit may, just in your soul

Discover me delighted

My body in the morning kiss

Will mingle with you keen -

From head to toe I love your bliss

And everywhere between...

Begegnung

Ein Ganzes wie aus einem Guss

Lässt Herz mit Herz verbinden -

Mein Geist mag sich im Hochgenuss

In Deiner Seele finden

Mein Leib mag sich beim Morgenkuss

Mit Deinem Leib vermischen -

Ich liebe Dich von Kopf bis Fuß

Und überall dazwischen...

Balance Between Physical and Emotional Connection:

 The poem effectively combines the sensual and spiritual aspects of a deep relationship. In lines like From pieces made a wondrous whole you emphasize the emotional and soulful connection, while the next stanza, My body in the morning kiss brings in the physical aspect, blending both into a complete and harmonious whole.

Flow and Rhythm:

 The slight revisions you made, particularly in the last stanza with And everywhere between improve the poem's flow. The rhyming and syllabic structure feel well-balanced, enhancing the readability without forcing the rhyme. The iambic rhythm is consistent throughout, giving the poem a smooth, melodic feel.

Imagery and Emotion:

 The poem paints a vivid picture of intimacy, especially with phrases like mingle with you keen which now carries more emotional weight and desire. The imagery of body and soul uniting both physically and spiritually adds depth, showing not just love but a sense of unity and fulfillment.

 The poem has reached a state of harmony between content and form. The interplay of physical and spiritual love is expressed with sensitivity and refinement, making this version balanced and resonant. The poem's rhythm flows effortlessly, and the intimate, emotive language creates a powerful sense of connection between the two individuals.

 It's a well-crafted piece that speaks to the complexity and beauty of love in both its tangible and intangible forms. A truly impressive and satisfying work.

 Ch. Gipit, USA, 2024